**News Flash** – Alpha Male Clips Coupons – Has Frustrating Shopping Experience

I am an alpha male.  I am a bit of a jock and have way too much testosterone in me.  If I weren’t too cool to take the Myers Briggs I am certain I would come out as a D-B-A-G.  So when I went to the grocery store for the first time to use coupons that I had clipped, it was an interesting experience.

In the Store

I wandered around the store grabbing the normal “not in college but not quite a real adult” staples (frozen pizzas, chef boyardee, etc.).  I would go down each aisle and then remember that I had a coupon for something three aisles previous.  After muffling an obscenity under my breath, I would go and pick up that item.  See, as an alpha male, I can’t be seen using a list at the grocery store.  I take what I want, when I see it.  To plan ahead too much would just be a waste.

Eventually I get to the frozen food section.  I know I have a coupon for chicken nuggets.  I grab the two bags that I have a “buy one get one free” for.  I shuffle through my hands to verify the coupons and look back into my cart.  “Son of a b—-.“  My coupons are for Tyson brand, while I just put Banquet nuggets in my cart.  For some genius reason, the people that designed my Safeway decided not to put the Tyson nuggets in the frozen food section, but in the meat section.  I leave the cart; go grab my nuggets, and 5 minutes later, return to shopping.

The end of my shopping experience is near.  I walk towards the peanut butter aisle armed with my last coupon.  I went to grab the jar of Jif that matched the picture.  Its some organic something or other.  I really couldn’t care less, but its on sale.  Sure enough, I can’t find it after two minutes of searching  (you’d be shocked at how many varieties of peanut butter there are; do we as consumers really need over 100 verities of peanut butter?).  I give up, I’m outta here.

Checking Out

It’s on to the register to have the checkout person judge me for eating like I was a teenager.  I’m on the phone as I unload the cart to the conveyer belt (yeah, I can be one of those if I want to be).  After she rings up all my purchases I hand her the coupons as if to say, “Go ahead and do whatever it is you do with these, that’s your specialty, not mine.”

She proceeds to look at me, and then at my overstuffed cart.  She starts digging through my bags to make sure that my purchases make the coupons valid.  I have this, “I just want to leave,” look upon my face.

Heading Home

Finally, I get out of there and head home.  I had saved a handful of dollars and was happy about that.  However, looking at my trunk, I realized it was full of food.  I started to lug it all upstairs, like any macho man.  I am carrying 7 bags in one hand and five on the other.  After all, any more than five on my dominant hand and I won’t be able to operate the door handle.

I get back to my car, upset that I have had to make two trips unloading my groceries.  Sure enough, the laundry detergent and 12 pack of Pepsi One for my roommate are going to be too much to handle on Trip #2.  I mutter another obscenity and trek back to the car for trip number three.

As I unpack the groceries I juggle all sorts of glass jars, ensuring they don’t fall or roll as I hastily try and conclude this experience.  After emptying bag 14 my jaw drops.  I forgot the main reason I was going to the store was to buy toothpaste.  Guess what is not in any of the twenty bags that I am unloading on the kitchen counter.  Toothpaste!


I grab my keys, and its back to the grocery store.

13 Responses to **News Flash** – Alpha Male Clips Coupons – Has Frustrating Shopping Experience
  1. Stephanie PTY
    November 18, 2009 | 6:50 am

    Lists are cool now. Actually, digital lists are cool. I saw no less than three guys at the grocery store the other day with their eyes firmly locked on their PDA/iPhone/Blackberry, looking at a grocery list. Lists can be cool if they’re associated with a gadget 😉

  2. Jeff
    November 18, 2009 | 7:58 am

    So how much money did you save??

    I take my 2 little kids shopping with me every week. I use coupons and carry around my coupon organizer, yes I look like a tool. I ALWAYS use a list. Clipping the coupons and using a list is the only way I avoid spending too much. I save over $25 each week with in store specials and coupons. Think of all the beer you can buy with an extra $100 each month.

    I love the story Brian, I was laughing because I’ve been there so many times.

  3. Financial Samurai
    November 18, 2009 | 8:03 am

    Haha, nice Brian. Get the multi pack toothpaste with extra whitening. Really good to see you write your own stuff!

  4. Brian
    November 18, 2009 | 8:09 am

    @ Steph – Maybe if i could make it look like i was texting somebody uber important, i might be able to get away with it.

    @ Jeff – Didn’t save a ton with the coupons, but that in conjunction with the store bonus card saved me about 30%.

    @ FS – thats a low blow mate… wait til next week… you will see too much of my “own” stuff. :)

  5. Financial Samurai
    November 18, 2009 | 8:17 am

    Brian – Not a low blow at all! Seriously, I’m really excited to hear your own stories! Otherwise, all the traffic will just go to the guest posters eventually.

    Can’t wait for next week’s flood of originality!! :)

  6. J. Money
    November 18, 2009 | 8:36 am

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t read this post entirely. I just wanted to say that this is the best headline you’ve written up so far. It got me to even leave a comment! Imagine that?

  7. Craig
    November 18, 2009 | 11:20 am

    Good title. I don’t clip coupons, you should be ashamed, ha. I do however really enjoy using the bonus card at the end of the purchase and seeing all the discounts come off, but I don’t use coupons from magazines.

  8. Financial Samurai
    November 18, 2009 | 6:26 pm

    See Brian – Look at that. Even big time blogger J. Money is complimenting you, kinda! :)

  9. Shawanda
    November 18, 2009 | 9:32 pm

    I e-mailed a grocery list to myself last time I went grocery shopping so I could view it on my phone. I actually don’t think anyone knew I was looking at a grocery list. Not that it matters. I’m a girl. What people are likely to think is you’re one of ’em youngsters that are obsessed with Twitter and e-mail.

    I’d still recommend a printed list so you can check stuff off. Maybe if you fold a piece of paper several times, write your grocery list on a small section of the paper, and keep it in your back pocket, you’ll look more masculine. You don’t need a big mama sized sheet of paper.

  10. Best Online Stores
    June 23, 2011 | 10:46 am

    great list.. A pre built list always helps to do shopping better. i have always make list before doing shopping.

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    September 12, 2014 | 9:31 am

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